Revelations! ( a few days late...)

So I litteraly had to stop in the middle of organizing my cluttered goods (read, my whole living space) to capture these couple if epiphanies I just had.


I realized that my life is a mess, and I had not realized how much it was until today. I mean, I could say it is a lull or whatever, but no, not for this long of a duration. It has moved from a lull, period, habit and I guess now you would call it a lifestyle. All the while I am persueing a higher education in hopes of attaining better income so I can attain a different socio economic placement, and I realize my old self defeating habits are just as hard at work as ever. Cluttered mess, disorganized to the point of insanity, procrastinating like I am training for the Olympics, plus a few others, which I am glad to report, do not involve abusive relationships with chemicals either legal or illegal.


The good news is that I saw this mess that is my so called life, and my mild ADHD and OCD that likes to clean and organize, should be able to take care of this. Or at least I know that I need to throw a ton of shit out and keep a simple and clean place, because let's be honest, those few note books that I have that supposedly have great ideas for some comic books just are not ever going to see the light of day.


I have been not taking any responsibility for my life. I have become sloppy and lazy, and even a little slow in the brain (okay, lots lazy). I have become methodical and that is very much not how I want to approach my life.

I have given my word to things and not followed through. For this, I am sorry. Both for not keeping my word and for giving up on myself as someone who keeps their word. That is without a doubt the worst of it all.

So to this end, I shall endeavor to make the needed adjustments as quickly as possible.

But, how did this happen anyway? What causes this life of mine to become so fubared from time to time?

What happened to us?

Pizza, it's the circle of life.

Have you ever noticed how invasive pizza is in your life? I mean, it is everywhere. Even in Congress, who *ahem* ought to be attending to other important matters and not designating what is a vegetable or not. I understand that I, like many other people on the interwebs, am loosely interpreting the ruling, but yeah, that happens.

This strange, odd and round food has had a recently discovered personal impact on my life. You see, I recently became employed (I know, right? It has been awhile) to work as a Culinary Assistant at Columbia Winery in Woodinville, WA.


There, they just serve a few select choices of noshes that involve, mostly, flat bread pizzas. At this new found place of employment of mine, I was having a conversation with a coworker . We were chatting about how we both know some really smart and put together young people and were reflecting when we were their age (oh...my...god...did that just happen?) and what we were doing with ourselves when we were their age.

I realized that back then I was playing drums in a punk rock band in Sioux City, IA and working at Pizza Hut, making pizzas. What am I doing today? Making flat bread pizzas. WTF? Full circle.

I mean, I get that they are not the same thing. Not even remotely. One is a chain of crap pizza boxes, and the other is a fire powered stone oven flat bread making award winning winery. More like "classy" where the hut was "k"lassy...with a k. Polar opposites of the spectrum, but, they both involve round pieces of dough with toppings on them.

I suddenly realized that, just maybe, this was my calling in life. To be a pizza guy, open and  operate a great local beer and pizza place. I mean, it could have been a sign from the universe and really, who am I to deny universal fate?

While I think that it would be fun to do something like that, I also think that maybe not right now would be the best to through myself into it. I want to complete my degree (however haphazardness that may be to my sanity) and that is going to take at least two more years. Perhaps then, if I have the right job, I can start doing some planning and tinkering on the side. It is not like I haven't had this idea before. I mean, to be honest, I have tried the whole "chase your dreams and do what inspires you" thing, and mostly shit don't work out the way you think it ought to. So, in lieu of chasing dreams I am keeping my head down, grinding out this degree, and will try to find a slot to fill in society.

But, in the mean time, I am straight not doing well this quarter at CCC. Ugh, I have had no motivation and have had some serious internal struggle going on. It may or may not affect my next phase of learning, currently scheduled to take place at WWU. I know I mentioned taking some other programs more local, but the truth of the matter is that WWU is all set and ready to go, whole UWB and UW would require more work than I am currently willing to put forth. Things change though, or is it the more they change the more they stay the same?

Whatever...

Christmas in Redmond