So I litteraly had to stop in the middle of organizing my cluttered goods (read, my whole living space) to capture these couple if epiphanies I just had.
I realized that my life is a mess, and I had not realized how much it was until today. I mean, I could say it is a lull or whatever, but no, not for this long of a duration. It has moved from a lull, period, habit and I guess now you would call it a lifestyle. All the while I am persueing a higher education in hopes of attaining better income so I can attain a different socio economic placement, and I realize my old self defeating habits are just as hard at work as ever. Cluttered mess, disorganized to the point of insanity, procrastinating like I am training for the Olympics, plus a few others, which I am glad to report, do not involve abusive relationships with chemicals either legal or illegal.
The good news is that I saw this mess that is my so called life, and my mild ADHD and OCD that likes to clean and organize, should be able to take care of this. Or at least I know that I need to throw a ton of shit out and keep a simple and clean place, because let's be honest, those few note books that I have that supposedly have great ideas for some comic books just are not ever going to see the light of day.
I have been not taking any responsibility for my life. I have become sloppy and lazy, and even a little slow in the brain (okay, lots lazy). I have become methodical and that is very much not how I want to approach my life.
I have given my word to things and not followed through. For this, I am sorry. Both for not keeping my word and for giving up on myself as someone who keeps their word. That is without a doubt the worst of it all.
So to this end, I shall endeavor to make the needed adjustments as quickly as possible.
But, how did this happen anyway? What causes this life of mine to become so fubared from time to time?
What happened to us?
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